Stop Letting Anxiety and Negative Thoughts Ruin Your Life Pt. 3

Sometimes, our anxiety and negative thoughts come from our garbage boundaries.

This is the third video in a series about how to stop letting anxiety and negative thoughts ruin your life.

Check out my YouTube Channel to watch videos one and two where I talk about how our spoken word and thoughts play into this process.

0:40 This Week’s Topic

Today, I’ll begin diving into how self-love can have an influence on our anxiety and negative thinking.

Obviously, self-love is a giant topic, but in The Hart Habits, the framework I created to help my coaching and consulting clients move through massive transitions with alignment and love at the core, I break down four areas that we need to look at when we’re talking about whether or not we’re really loving ourselves well.

The first of those is boundaries.

01:23 Positive Vs. Negative Boundaries

There’s always a yin and yang to everything, a good and bad, a shadow side and a bright side. Boundaries are no exception.

Boundaries can keep us tight and small and can choke the life out of us if our boundaries are too tight or too close.

On the other hand, when our boundaries are the right space for us to be able to flourish, being able to keep those boundaries clear can sometimes be the key to making sure that we’re honoring ourselves and giving ourselves what we need to grow.

02:26 Energetic Interactions

When we make boundaries, they help define us.

Think about a beautiful ceramic vase. If it didn’t have walls on the vase, it would not be effective for holding and pouring liquids, right? It needs to have walls so that we know how to use it. And you are the same.

I believe we are all energy. The first law of thermodynamics, also known as the Law of Conservation of Energy, states that energy can neither be created nor destroyed; energy can only be transferred or changed from one form to another.

We’re all connected, we’re all interconnected. Across all space and across all time.

We’re kind of like a lava lamp on this earth where we’re all inside the same lamp, but our blobs separate out into different shapes and sizes, we look different but we’re made of the same stuff. We’re all manifestations of God but we get to inhabit our individual vessels that look like our body, our life, this time.

02:46 How Boundaries Define You

Our boundaries are what help define who we are in this world.

How do I walk in this world? How do I interact with other people around me? What matters to me? What are my priorities and how are they structuring my life?

If you feel like your boundaries are being crossed by others, perhaps that has to do with how you’re prioritizing yourself because you prioritize those things that are important to you, consciously or subconsciously.

If you don’t know what’s important to you specifically, other people are more than happy to lend you their cares and the things that matter to them for you to make their boundaries yours as well.

Be careful not to do that.

Your boundaries should be yours alone.

03:36 How Boundaries Direct You

Your boundaries also help inform where you’re going because you get more of whatever you put your energy toward.

Think about where you’re trying to go and how your boundaries can help channel your energy towards those goals. We’ve all done things like make time for studying or skip an event because we had to work.

One of my most important boundaries is rest.

I value rest and understand the power it has to help us bring our full self to each moment, so I make sure to go to bed on time every night so I can get up refreshed. I even take a mild sleeping pill or some cannabis tincture at night to allow my body the rest it needs.

It took a long time for me to embrace those tools, but once I prioritized my needs over societal stigmas, I found massive benefits in listening to my body first.

When I’m short on sleep for some reason, I find ways to schedule a nap during the day. I set my alarm, put down my phone, and close my eyes. Sometimes I sleep, sometimes I just rest. I fought this practice tooth and nail for much of my life because of the hustle culture of American capitalism. I really believed that if I was going to make it in this economy as a woman I could never rest or let my guard down. Instead, rest has become a way for me to fight the power and reclaim my divinity.

Can I just say, divinity is a much better feeling to cultivate than hustle?

The things I create when I’m well-rested are phenomenally superior to what I produce from exhaustion.

03:57 How to set boundaries that are positive for you

It can be difficult to know where our boundaries should be.

Should we give money to our cousins? Should we allow friends to move in? Should we keep working this job that is underpaying, undervaluing, and overworking us? Should we say no to Mom?

Honestly, there is no right or wrong answer, only you know what works for your life and your boundaries.

I can tell you what I think. Other people can tell you what they think, but none of those things matter because you’re the only one existing in your body in your life.

So, the best way for you to know whether your boundaries are where they need to be is by evaluating, how do they feel for you?

How does it feel when they’re in place and they’re honored?

How does it feel when they’re not in place?

How does it feel when they’re not honored?

Evaluate and pay attention to those feelings because your body and mind are very powerful and will communicate really well with us if we just listen.

As you’re consciously making changes in your life and tuning into your body, you’ll feel resistance to things that you want to move away from and you’ll feel drawn to those things you’re trying to move towards.

So see how you feel. Does it make you feel free? Does it make you feel liberated? Does it make you feel oppressed? Does it make you feel angry? Does it make you feel resentful?

Ask yourself what the boundary does for you to determine whether it needs to change or not.

5:29 Examples

For example, if you’re feeling like those boundaries are a little too tight, maybe you need to break out a little bit or leave a group you’ve been with. Perhaps you need to tell someone you’re going to do it your own way. You saw earlier how the succulents I had in pots were drying up and dying because they didn’t have the space or resources they needed to thrive. Here they are now.

By contrast, you couldn’t even see the jalapeno plant in the garden because the sweet potato vines were taking over everything. And who knew sweet potatoes next to tomatoes and eggplant are the perfect recipe for blight? Well, I know now and some boundary changes had to occur.

If your boundaries are a little too loose and you’re feeling out there on your own, maybe you need to find your community, pull in supports, and make sure that you have good people around you to help maintain the boundaries that you want in your life.

If you’re struggling with anxiety and negative thoughts, you are not alone. I’ve been there. I know what it’s like and I keep making it through. You can too. Make sure you’re seeking all the help you deserve (which is EVERY SINGLE HELP available and then some) and give yourself the grace to move through it one minute at a time.

I’ll be back in part 4 to talk more about self-love and how we can intentionally foster more of it in our lives.

I love you.

Disclaimer –

This video is NOT sponsored. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases. Your clicks help support the channel and allow me to continue to make videos like this one. But don’t worry, It does not affect the price you pay. 😉 Thank you for your support.