How to Stop Letting Anxiety and Negative Thoughts Ruin Your Life (Pt. 2)

This is the second in a series about how to STOP letting anxiety and negative thoughts control and ruin your life.

The most important thing for you to know is that you are precisely perfect just as you are, in your “imperfect” state.

The next key for you to remember is that it will take time to adjust your thinking, and that’s okay.

Give yourself grace, time, and consistency to get there.

Last time, I discussed talking (as in talk therapy) to stop anxious and negative thoughts.

I wrote about letting the power of our tongue put the shame we carry from those traumas to death.

This week, I want to address the negative and anxious thoughts directly.

You see, the human body is INCREDIBLE.

Far more phenomenal than we give credit for, but for now, let’s focus on our magical brain.

Science tells us that our brain is a primary player in our anxious thinking. This isn’t a science class, but let’s use a metaphor my husband will appreciate—the A/C Thermostat in your home.

Our brains have this bundle of nerves called the Reticular Activating System or RAS. The RAS operates like a thermostat for our brain. It reads the air temperature around it, compares that to the temperature the homeowner (amygdala and frontal lobe) has told it to achieve, and turns on or off to ensure the actual temperature matches the desired temperature. It automatically decides whether that means it’s heating, cooling, fan only, or turning off at any given moment.

According to an NPR interview with behavioral and data scientist Pragya Agarwal, the human brain can process 11 million bits of information every second. But our conscious minds can handle only 40 to 50 bits of information a second.

How does the conscious mind decide what information to pull in and process?

Enter the RAS. It sorts through the 11 million bits of information and selects the lucky 40 to 50 based on what the amygdala and frontal lobe have told it to find.

Since this isn’t science class, I won’t dive too deep into the technicalities, but the RAS is why you can hear someone calling your name in a crowded room or why when you start thinking about a particular car, you suddenly see so many more of them everywhere. Your thoughts have told your brain to pick up specific information in the world around you, and your brain is adept at doing it.

This system works both in our favor and to our detriment at times.

When we suffer traumas, our amygdala learns that trauma is real and teaches the brain to always look out for it and avoid it. Over many years of this subconscious filtering, the anxious thoughts can become unmanageable because your brain always expects the other shoe to drop.

To our benefit, once we know how this system works, it’s not hard to hack at all. This simple exercise will give you all the tools you need to train your brain to believe anything you want and thereby create the reality you desire.

Many years ago, I learned this trick from my life coaches, The Amazing Clarks, and it still helps me consistently manifest the life I truly want.

Top 5 Thoughts Exercise:

If you’ve been struggling with many anxious and negative thoughts lately, take a moment to stop and pull out a pen and paper. This activity won’t take longer than 10 minutes. Or so.

Recognize: Write down the top 5 THOUGHTS that are running through your head consistently every day. Don’t write down the topic; write down the whole thought. For example, if you’re always thinking about money, don’t write down “money,” write down exactly what you’re thinking about it, like “I don’t have enough money for…” or “what will happen when I can’t pay my rent next month?”.
Question: Now that those five thoughts are on paper, begin to evaluate them a little deeper. Can you poke holes in the truth of the thought or find any reasons for gratitude within the challenge that thought holds? For example, if the thought was “I don’t have enough money for my kids back to school supplies,” could you consider these alternate perspectives: a. What DO you have money for (maybe food, clothing, rent) that you can be grateful for, b. The community you have that might want to contribute to your need, c. ways you could make some adjustments to find that money, or d. Imagine what it’s going to feel like when you have more than enough money for not only school supplies but so many other things.
Disrupt: Write down the alternate thought/perspective that feels better next to each of the five thoughts you wrote down in step one. You only need one for each, but it should feel good to you. These will be your mantras. For example: If my initial thought was, “I don’t have enough money for back-to-school supplies.” I could choose the alternate view/mantra of: “That sucks right now, but I can imagine when we have more than enough zeros in the bank, and we go on a back to school shopping spree. Mmm.. that feels great!”
Redirect: For the next week, every time you begin to think the thoughts you wrote down in step one, verbally, mentally, and physically stop yourself and say “no” and repeat the replacement thought you wrote down in step 3. Do it every time, all day long. Keep your replacement thoughts written out where you can see them throughout the day. Remind yourself that they are true and valid.
It’s going to feel strange and like a lie at first, but just remember, you’re training your brain right now. It’s not a lie to choose a new perspective to look at a problem. You just have to be intentional about it. That’s all.

This activity teaches your RAS to look for different information to filter in. You’re telling your brain: “I no longer want you to select the 10 bits of information that make me feel ashamed for not having back to school money, and instead, I’d like you to find ten pieces of information that will remind me how great it feels to have more than enough.”

Over time your brain only filters in what you have told it to, and your life looks a lot like you think it should.

It’s not only the Law of Attraction and The Secret that teach this tool. It’s also why Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and Talk Therapy work (not for everyone, but many).

Our thought patterns affect how we grow and change over time no matter what; it’s just that we don’t learn to influence them by being conscious and intentional with how we treat them.

Please, don’t take this exercise as a replacement for therapy. Every one of us can benefit from at least a year of treatment because we’ve all suffered traumas. Get therapy if you haven’t had any yet, but don’t settle for a therapist you don’t resonate with. In the meantime, I hope this trick helps you use conscious thinking to help you stop letting anxious and negative thoughts ruin your life.

I would love to hear how it works for you or what tools you have to help with anxious and negative thoughts. Comment below!

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