Scientifically speaking, there is a recipe for how to have hope in desperate times.
There are three parts to the hope recipe, and looking in the mirror is the key to multiplying them all.
Goals, Pathways, and Agency
Like I said over on youtube, hope comes from a trilogy of Goals, Pathways, and Agency, a framework I first learned from psychologist C.R. Snyder's Hope Theory, laid out in his book The Psychology of Hope: You Can Get There From Here.
Simply put, folks have hope when they know what they want and how to get there for themselves. That could make us think we can have hope by ourselves, or in ourselves. The problem is, it just doesn't work that way.
We may have goals we think are ours alone, but we never have all the pathways and agency by ourselves. Research shows it's the goals we share in community that give us the most of all three parts of the recipe for hope.
I'll start by defining agency, then give you a basic example to consider.
What Agency Really Means
There are many definitions of the word agency, but here, it refers to the capacity, condition, or state of acting or of exerting power. We could call this our ability to do for ourselves.
Our level of agency can change based on our physical abilities, legal constraints, financial means, and more.
The overturn of Roe v. Wade and several other key pieces of legislation reminded many of us that while we thought we had full agency over our body, choices, and personal health care, that isn't true in the United States. We can be imprisoned, or forced to die, over a personal health care decision, if we're in the wrong part of the country.
We may believe we have the capacity to do a lot for ourselves, but we don't have the means. We need other people, and other parts of nature, for most of it.
Consider our ability to breathe. It's unconscious for most of us, most of the time. Our brain and lungs and body work together to make it happen seamlessly. But could we breathe if there were no plants producing oxygen? If you've ever gone scuba diving, you've learned what happens to a body that can't get its oxygen. It's not pretty. The answer is a hard no.
We have the agency to breathe, but we're never doing it alone.
Why the Mirror Matters for Goal-Setting
Now that we understand agency doesn't exist in a vacuum, let's talk about why it's so important to look in the mirror for our goal-setting process.
In this mini-series, I mentioned four ways we need to evaluate our self in order to have hope in desperate times: strengths, with gratitude; shadows; boundaries; and Spirit.
This matters because these things all affect the how and why of the goals we set, and whether they'll be strong enough to feed hope when the going gets tough.
An Example
Goal: Lose 40 lbs to be more healthy. My body, my goal.
Pathways: Eating healthy. Eating less. Exercise. Starving. Binging and purging. Extreme working out. Requires farmers, grocers, food manufacturers, gym owners, gym equipment manufacturers, trainers, doctors, supplements, and more.
Agency: I do the grocery shopping and meal planning. I have a 6-month-old breastfeeding, three other kids to make dinner for and get ready for school each day, a 9-to-5 job, no car, no money for a gym membership. Focused on what self is capable of accomplishing alone, but neglects the many people required for each constraint even to exist.
Versus:
Goal: Look good and feel good in my body that takes good care of me. Strength and gratitude. Be kind and gracious with myself because I know I've been through a lot of trauma around this in the past. Shadow. Make choices that honor myself. Boundaries. So I can live a fulfilling, happy life with my friends and family. Spirit.
Pathways: Beautiful clothing that fits well, healthy food from the farmer's market, massage and other holistic body care, outings with friends and family, therapy, exercise, involvement in local interest groups, hobbies, regular health care, meditation. Lots of others involved here.
Agency: Support from partner, friends, family, neighbors, and experts. Routines that prioritize self-care. Thrift stores. Neighborhood mutual aid and gardens. Learning to grow, harvest, prepare, and preserve fresh fruits and vegetables. Time in nature. Seeking fulfillment and better conditions at work. Even more others involved here.
Hope Is a Community Practice
When we take the time to know ourselves better, we're more able to see others for their contributions as well.
As we practice the Habit over time, we may find our goals aligning with the community we're loving and being loved in. When we align our goals as a community and move toward them together, well, "yes we can," as President Obama said.
For me, the goal that keeps me hopeful is leaving the world my Black American daughter and her community live in better than it was when I got here. There are a million pathways to get there, and I have a lot of agency as her mom and primary caregiver.
I'm grateful my journey brought her into a strong, loving community to help accomplish that goal. The awesome part is, while the goal still drives me to do more and better every day, it's also already done. Because of our community. And because of me.
Talk soon. I love you.
Question of the day: What goals help you hold on to hope when times are desperate? If you don't know the answer, try working through this series for yourself and see where you land.
Mind you, while the series might only take 20 minutes to consume, it could represent months or years of self-reflection practices, depending on where you are in the process. You get the time and grace to move through the process at your pace.