I spent a lot of my 20s thinking about what I wanted in my future. A husband, kids, a big house. Not the picket fence, but you know what I mean. Everything felt transitional back then, like I was waiting for life to happen.
In my 30s, I spent a lot of time thinking about my past, and how it had shaped who I was, even while I was actively building my future: marriage, a kid, a mortgage.
Now, in my 40s, I'm finally starting to understand the present of the present. Not just the season my life is in, but the actual physical and spiritual experience of inhabiting this exact moment, regardless of the circumstances I happen to be in.
What I'd Tell My 27-Year-Old Self
A lot happened along the way to teach me a few things: I can never be "enough" for "them." The path I plan is lovely, but it can change, die, explode, or shift in one minute, with or without much help from me. I'm always either going to be okay, or I'm going to die. Even then, it will be okay.
If I could give one gift to my 27-year-old self, it would be stillness. Being fully in the present, on a consistent, reliable basis. There's nothing as powerful as what Eckhart Tolle called the power of now, and I wrote this originally with her specifically in mind: I'd just come out of a very unhealthy, abusive relationship, several years of it, and I was in a daze. What did I do? How did I end up there? I was putting my life back together, finally starting on my own path, but everything still felt transitional.
Throughout that week, people kept reaching out to me about similar situations, their own or someone they loved. So this message is for you too, whatever you're going through, but especially if you're in something hard right now. An abusive relationship. A toxic workplace with an abusive boss. Abusive parents or siblings. Anyone can be abusive, whether they're blood family or not.
It's not as easy as it sounds. My mind runs a million miles a minute: lists, shortcomings, family, money. The secret is, you're already perfect for all of it. There's nothing you need to do first. Everything that brought you to this moment, everything still coming from you, everything your ancestors and legacy hoped for, is already in you, exactly as it needs to be. All you have to do is be.
Why Being Present Matters
Being connects you to everything else that is, and everything that isn't. When you pause and actually notice your blood moving through your body, carrying oxygen from the trees to your heart, you remember something. And as you remember, you connect wider and deeper than you'd expect.
It's part of why people become monks and nuns. Once you feel the divinity that's accessible in stillness, in just experiencing being you, nothing else really compares, and definitely not whatever capitalism insists we need to be chasing instead.
Seven Ways to Practice Being Present
Meditation. Prayer and meditation are related, but praying is usually an output, meditation is a state of internal silence, openness, and receptiveness. We should've learned this in kindergarten. We didn't. It's simple and genuinely hard, because we're conditioned to constantly be doing something. Apps like Calm and Brain.fm offer guided meditations that help get my mind and body into that state. It usually starts with focusing intensely on my breath, my body, and my surroundings. Deepak Chopra also has a lot of good guided meditations if you want a specific practitioner to start with.
Nature. Being in nature is its own form of meditation, you don't need to lie down or go still to engage with it. Connecting to this part of ourselves makes it easier to be present everywhere else too. The natural world is full of examples of divinity, if you're paying attention.
Art. Letting art flow through you while you're in a meditative state gives you a tangible representation of the experience of being present. It looks different for everyone. That's the beauty of it.
Movement. Yoga and dance teach you to focus on your breath and the flow of your body. Feeling how your breath and thoughts affect your physical body is one of the genuinely fun side effects of yoga.
Sound. Sound has measurable frequencies, and so do our bodies, which means sound can help shift us toward a state we're aiming for. There's early research suggesting that 528 Hz music, sometimes called the "love frequency," can lower cortisol and reduce measured anxiety in small studies. I want to be honest about what that does and doesn't mean: it's not proof of DNA repair or of some ancient, handed-down healing tradition, those specific claims aren't supported by what's actually been studied. What I do believe is that just because Western science hasn't fully mapped something yet doesn't mean it isn't real or working. I hold both of those at once: stay honest about what's actually been measured, and stay open to what hasn't been studied closely, or at all, yet.
Smell. Essential oils can help you focus and block out distraction while you're learning to be present. Different oils carry different effects too, lavender for calm, lemon or orange for energy.
Ritual. Different cultures carry rituals built around connecting to this moment, to breath, to the physical form our spirit inhabits. These can function as meditation when you focus on the intent and meaning behind the symbolic act. They also connect you to what was, what is, and what will always be true about the experience of being present.
A Guided Exercise
If you want to try this with me, find a safe, comfortable spot. Seated or lying down is fine, just not driving, and not somewhere you could fall if you get too relaxed.
Close your eyes. I like to have my palms touching, that's just me feeling my own energy, you don't have to do that. Get safe, get comfortable, close your eyes.
Clear your mind. Take a few deep breaths, and blow out all the stale air. Then take a few intentional breaths: in deeply through your nose, out through your mouth. Sigh if you want to, or keep it silent.
On your next breath, follow the air. Notice it entering your body, passing through your nose, down into your passages, into your diaphragm, all the way to the lowest part of your belly. Follow it back out through your mouth. If your mind wanders, don't worry, just bring it back. Let the thought pass. Hello, thank you, thought. Let it fly away. Back to the breath.
That alone is enough to give you a real moment of presence. If you want to go deeper, keep breathing slow and easy, and start scanning your body. Begin at the top of your head. Scan your face, notice any tension, relax it. Your ears, your neck. Deep breath in, release whatever you're holding. Keep moving down your body the same way.
As you go, you might start to notice a tingling, blood moving through your fingers and arms, the quiet, ongoing magic of your body simply working. Take one more deep breath.
I'm not a meditation guru, so I'll let you find what works best for you from here. But the point is, with five or ten minutes, you can access the present of being, no matter what your outside circumstances look like right now. And as you do, you'll start to hear the voice inside you that gives clear guidance. I've been there. I know what that guidance sounds like. The more present you get, the more you'll be able to distinguish it: what your next step should be, how to move, what to do, where to go, who to seek out, what kind of help to get.
Recommended resources:
Calm
Brain.fm
The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle
Question of the day: How do you get still and engage with the present moment? What gets in the way?